When it comes to Christmas shopping for my kids, I’m a believer in the “something to wear, something to read, something they want, something they need” guide. This gives each child four gifts and a stocking, plus a couple extra joint gifts from Santa to share as a family. It works for us.

This year was a different year for Christmas shopping. Instead of carefully writing out lists and choosing presents that would stretch our budget the furthest, James and I embraced extravagance. No one would be deprived this year! With no plan whatsoever, we went to a toy store and randomly bought things that we thought our kids would enjoy. Then on the way home, we bought them each a bike.

It was so much fun. Just this one year only, it wasn’t about finding something to fit the budget; it was about what would bring a smile on Christmas morning. Funny enough, not including the bikes (which we would have had to buy in the summer anyway), the kids still ended up with four gifts and a stocking, and a couple board games from Santa to share as a family. Not so extravagant after all, I guess.

Making Gifts

In addition to our lack of careful planning, this year was a bit different in that we ended up buying most of the other gifts, unlike most years when I try to make a good chunk of them myself.

I enjoy making gifts. Last year I made hand lotion bars for my friends and family, plus a couple cowls and a pair of Star Wars mittens. I knit at least one gift every year, I think. We’re also big fans of giving out food – usually cookies or nuts. When River was just three, we made gourmet hot chocolate mix for everyone. We even printed off photographs of her making the mix and the stuck them on the lids of the jars – who wouldn’t love something with this cutie on top?

How was this five years ago?!?!

My favourite handmade gifts to date are the dolls I made two years ago. I decided that each of our girls should have a beautiful, handmade Waldorf-style doll. They start at $100 each though, so I figured that I would save some money and make them myself. And, of course, this brainstorm didn’t hit me in October or even November – no, I ordered the fabric from Sewfunky on Etsy a mere two weeks before Christmas. Thankfully, Tanja helped me out by expertly sewing the body outline, meaning that I didn’t have to waste precious time learning how to sew knit fabrics on my old sewing machine.

The dolls themselves were fairly simple to make – more time consuming than anything. And because I apparently thrive on staying up for 12 days straight, I also knit each of the dolls a mermaid’s tail using this pattern on Ravelry. I don’t think that I slept for the entire two weeks, but it was worth it. The dolls were beautiful and my girls were thrilled.

Well, River was more thrilled than Harbour, though in Harbour’s defence, she wasn’t even three yet. But River was in love. She immediately knew that these dolls were special, and as the years have gone by, she’s grown even more attached to her “Madeline.”  She sleeps with Madeline at night, often using the doll as a pillow. She talks to her, reads to her, plays with her. Madeline is everything to her that I hoped she would be.

Given how much she loves her doll, I wasn’t surprised that River included a small wish list for Madeline when she wrote out her letter to Santa this year. Aside from the knitted mermaid’s tail, I never made any doll clothes like I promised and River thought she might enjoy a few outfits. It was a reasonable request and I figured that I should get some in case Santa picked something else off her long (loooooong) list. And honestly, I’ve been meaning to make clothes for years – I’ve just never got around to it.

So with just two weeks left until Christmas, I put the girls to bed and then pulled up Ravelry.com to browse through knitting patterns. Nothing motivated me to cast on. I snuck into River’s room and stole her doll for inspiration.

I set up the doll beside my computer screen and took a good look at her. Geez, she was looking a bit rough. Her embroidery-thread mouth fell off well over a year ago, replaced with a mystery pen smudge. Madeline’s nose had completely disappeared too. And she was pretty flat from so many nights of doubling as a pillow.

Huh.

Maybe instead of making clothes, I should be fixing the dolls. Would taking them apart be foolish? Would I be able to put them back together?

But how hard could it be? I’d just need to take the head off of the body, add some stuffing and then stitch it back on. And this would be a chance to fix the stitching around the neck, which I’ve never been satisfied with. When I first made the dolls, I tried to hide it with a fabric band, but it almost makes the flaw stand out more.

I put the doll down and searched Google for a tutorial on how to attach doll heads. I picked a video at random and quickly learned how simple it is. Seriously, where were all these videos two years ago?

Well, my mind was made up. With about two weeks until Christmas, I decided to rip the heads off my children’s beloved dolls. I felt like this had the potential to ruin the whole holiday.

First, I took Harbour’s doll. I figured that if I screwed it up horribly, Harbour wouldn’t be as upset as River. In fact, she probably wouldn’t even notice at all. I put on some Christmas music, grabbed the small scissors from my sewing kit and starting snipping at the stitches. The neck band came off easily, followed by the head. There was no turning back now. I let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding in.

There is something disturbing about a disembodied doll’s head lying on the floor. Of course, that’s the moment that River chose to get out of bed and join me in the living room.

“What are you doing?” she demanded to know. “Are you fixing the doll?”

“Uh huh”, I replied, in what I hoped was a confident, not-panicking voice.

“Are you going to do that to Madeline?” she asked next.

“Depends on how this one goes,” I answered. “We’ll decided together.”

River was fascinated by the process. She quickly returned Madeline to the bedroom to spare her any emotional trauma and then came back to watch. I let her stay up for an extra half hour and she sat beside me on the floor, silently passing me wool to stuff inside the doll’s head. More and more wool went in, filling it out. It was unreal how much we stuffed in there. When I didn’t think any more would fit, I just pushed harder. Once the head was perfectly round, I started on the body. Soon the legs were thicker, the belly was rounder and the shoulders were stiffer. I must have added a good 50% more wool in total. Finally, long after I sent River to bed for the second time that night, I stitched the head back on the body.

It turned out beautifully. The doll looked so good. The final touch was a bit of red on the cheeks using a red wax crayon. Good as new.

Can you see the difference? I’m sorry, I know the features are hard to see in this photograph. Harbour’s doll is the one on the left with pale grey eyes. Her body is plumper, her neck is much cleaner, and her head is rounder.

The next morning, I showed the doll to River and she decided that her beloved Madeline could use some restoration as well. This, of course, was far more nerve-racking. I waited until River was out for the evening at a Christmas party, took a deep breath, and started snipping away.

River’s doll turned out to be trickier to fix than Harbour’s had been. I had to reshape the head almost from scratch. I decided to add a nose – a needle-felted ball of wool sewn into place. I added a mouth and rosy cheeks. Again, I added a good 50% more wool to the doll, then started restitching her just as River returned home. River was a bit taken aback at how different her doll looked, but she was pleased at how beautiful it turned out. I’m not sure she’s sold on the nose yet, although I’ve pointed out that the doll had a nose when she first got it.

I’m so glad that I took those two nights to work on the dolls because they taught me a lesson.

As I sat on the floor and stitched away, I was very aware of how content I felt.

You see, lately I’ve been overwhelmed. The girls are at each other’s throats 24/7 and every time I turn around, Forest is into mischief. He also just cut four teeth, which means he hasn’t slept well in weeks. Given how frazzled I’ve been feeling, I very consciously tried to avoid making gifts for everyone this year. I didn’t want to put that extra stress on myself. I thought I was sparing myself.

Yet, with that being said, those two evenings when I sat beside River working on the dolls, when I had Christmas music playing softly and the lights were lit on the tree – those two evenings were my favourite time of the whole month. They were magical. Sure, the shopping for the gifts was fun, and watching the girls open the gifts was fun. But they didn’t bring me that deep sense of happiness that I had as I worked with my hands to make something beautiful.

I didn’t realize until that evening that I had deprived myself of something I love this year. Handmade gifts, even simple ones, are special. Next year, I’ll try to remember that the act of making gifts, no matter how small, is part of what makes Christmas special to me.

And with any luck, I’ll remember that in October, rather than two weeks before Christmas Day.

This post has been linked up with:

• Keep Calm Craft On
• The Art of Home-Making Mondays
• Think Tank Thursday
• Homestead Blog Hop