Today was a fail.

This morning we decided to visit a local orchard to pick some apples and play in the farm’s playground. Both my daughter River and I were excited for what sounded like a fun afternoon. Everything was fine until we arrived. When I opened the car door to let River out, she started to cry that it was too cold and that she wanted to go home. I figured that she’d be better once she saw the gigantic play area and so I told her to put on her coat and get moving. She refused, but after about five minutes our friends arrived and that was enough to get her out of the car. Together, we all slowly made our way towards the play area with my daughter trailing behind, crying loudly. She continued to cry when we got to the playground, then started to cry louder because she had to go the bathroom. She threw a full-on tantrum when I made her use the local facilities (she wanted me to drive her home) and she continued to cry for another ten minutes. At least.

I finally managed to get her to wear a coat and go on the swings. She was then happy for about fifteen minutes, but when we moved away from the swings she started sobbing again. And yelling. And pushing.

I think that River cried for about 40 minutes of the hour we spent at the farm. She didn’t really play with any of the toys. I didn’t get to visit much with my friend. We never got around to picking apples. I lost my temper at one point and yelled at her. It’s just so exhausting. So frustrating. At the same time, I know that she is honestly stressed out when she behaves this way, and I hate that she’s suffering. I wish I was stronger for her.

I’m pretty sure that I know what set her off. My daughter has a really difficult time with change, and the shift from hot weather yesterday to cold weather today totally took her by surprise. I could see it on her face when I opened the door. I can tell by the way she reacted. She just can’t handle things like this well.

Sometimes I’m not sure if I should write about our bad days in this blog. I want it to be a record of the good times I have with my girls, something I can look back on in the years to come. At the same time, I don’t anyone to think that everyday is like, well, some perfect tea party. That doesn’t really help anyone. A couple of weeks ago I vented on Twitter about raising a spirited child, and someone sent me a link to a blog post about her own son who has a similar temperament. I can’t tell you how encouraging it was to read about someone else having the same experiences. I cried as I read it because I was just so relieved to find someone who fully understands – I’m not the only one going through this.

So I want to acknowledge our hard times here, because it may comfort someone to know that they aren’t alone. I mean, really – even if you don’t consider your child to be spirited, most people still have a rough patch when their child is two or three years old.

Today was a fail. I’m not a failure as a mom. Sometimes it really feels that way. But tomorrow will be better.