“I can’t read,” River told me sadly last year. “Everyone else in my class can read, and I’m the only one who can’t.”

It was true. I’m told that her all classmates learned to read in Junior Kindergarten because their JK teacher made that her mission for the year. On the other hand, our JK year at home had been more about baking and circle time. I was significantly influenced by Waldorf philosophies which don’t encourage reading until the age of seven, so I hadn’t taught River to read at all (though she can make a killer cookie). And to be honest, I kind of assumed that’s what they did in Senior Kindergarten. It didn’t bother me that she couldn’t read yet.

The only thing that bothered me was that my bright child felt like the dumbest kid in class.

So I dutifully went to the teacher and asked what I could do to help. I asked what they were working on in the class so I could work on it at home too. I was told to practice the “popcorn” words, which are a list of about twenty common words that kids are expected to memorize by sight. We had already practiced them at home and River didn’t seem to be catching on at all. I told her teacher that memorization doesn’t seem to work for River and I asked where they were in phonics.

She told me that they don’t teach phonics.

Just popcorn words.

I have to admit, I was a bit stunned. I know things have changed since I was in school, but kids don’t learn how to sound out words anymore? I vividly remember sitting on the carpet of my kindergarten room, looking at a drawing of a pig and earnestly reciting “P-P-P-Pig” with the rest of my class. I remember the feel of the soft ‘p’ on my lips. I remember going back to my table to cut out a smaller version of the pig picture and gluing it on the Pp page in my workbook. I don’t know why, but learning the letter P was clearly an important day of my life.

I wonder how long my daughter’s teacher waited as I stared off into the distance, reliving that “P-p-p-pig” day in my mind.

Snapping out of it, I asked her to clarify. “They don’t teach the kids how to sound out words anymore? How do they learn to read?”

She replied, “Well, we expect that you do that part at home.”

I left, more confused than ever.

I truly believe that we teach kids to read too early. I think that there a plenty of kids who catch on easily, but there are also a lot of kids who just aren’t ready, and the pressure to read before they’re ready makes these kids feel dumb. The idea to delay reading is backed up by various teaching philosophies and is advocated by groups around the world. Yet here I was, trying to figure out a way to teach my child to read so she wouldn’t feel behind the rest of her class. It felt so wrong.

So I went home and thought about it. I decided that my daughter wasn’t ready to read and that I might end up frustrating her more if I pushed it. I told her not to worry if the other kids could read better than her, that she should just do her best and have fun in class. I mean, it was kindergarten, for goodness’ sake. I was more interested in her keeping the sand in the sandbox and learning the rules of hopscotch.

Near the end of the year, I asked how here daily reading activities were going. She told me that she didn’t have to do them anymore. “The whole class?” “No, just me and another girl”, she replied. I have no idea if that was true or not, but I didn’t care. We had already decided not to send her back.

When summer came, we officially sent in our Intent to Homeschool forms and I felt a huge sense of relief. I have to admit that a small part of me wanted to get her reading right away to prove that I was a capable teacher. But I didn’t, and I’m glad. She picked it up a few months later with almost no help from me and I’m proud of the progress she’s made.

Homeschooling truly is one of the best parts of my life these days. River is such a bright kid. I love being able to learn along side of her.

What about you? Are there times that you ignored the culturally-accepted milestones and let your children go at their own pace?